Melody:  "Climbing Jacob's ladder"
 

Dear Max and Eva

So Santa Claus got totally bedazzled by your mom! Could it be because it was not the real Santa Claus?
I decided to find out for myself and chased him all the way up north after your party and even managed to sneak inside his house and stay with him for a couple of days. This is what I found out:

When he realized that I was trying to find the truth about him, he started bombarding me with emails and pictures trying to prove that he is the real Santa Claus. But if you look carefully at these two pictures from our youth when we were both serving our apprenticeship with the old Santa, you can see that Santa Ralphus is already much behind Santa Jacobus in his hair growth. For we all know that a Santa has a very long beard, and in those days I was even trying to cover up my true Santa identity. Under my wig and rolled-up beard I am actually far more hairy than Ralphus - at least too "hairy" for your mom who always calls both of us for "old dinosaurs." But look carefully under the photos above and see which one of us who looks most like a scary dino!

  

Above you see us when we finished our apprenticeship. We now look almost like fully grown Santas, but my beard is still longer than his....although we seem to have the same amount of flees and small animals crawling all over it. However, when you "mouse around" in our hair to catch some of these creepy-crawly things you will actually find that we were once upon a time also very handsome young dinosaurs!

Well, your mom forgets that dinosaurs have long necks, not long beards. And here you can see that my beard is definitely longer than Ralphus' beard today. Also the small animals - which I swear comes along with any genuine Santa Claus - are more fond of my beard since with it's small steps it is much easier for them to climb. The small creatures of the world call it "climbing Jacob's ladder." But now let me show you something interesting. If you try to pull Ralphus' beard above with your mouse, you will see the first actual proof that he cannot be the real Santa Claus!

 And remember the cake he brought both of you? Here is the one for Max which your mom ate all by herself. Well, do you really think Santa Ralphus brought that cake all the way from the North Pole? No, I caught him on his bare feet going around begging in the streets of Zurich at night from the bakeries to get some leftover bread. Here below I got a picture of him begging outside a bakery. Try to feed your mouse with a little of the bread from his hand and you will see for yourself that it is only good for mice, not for human beings!
 

 Actually Santa Ralphus is so poor that he sleeps under a table in an old abandoned train station. Or rather; he actually never sleeps, I found out. For at all hours of the night he would call me up or send me sms's to challenge my true Santa identity while he walked the streets collecting leftover food and garbage for the children for next Christmas. Here below you see him standing in a soup line with a lot of other hungry and desperately poor unemployed men. See the "Please Help" sign he is bringing with him.

So your bread did not come from the North Pole? In fact Santa Ralphus has probably never been up there. For he keeps sending you pictures of penguins and everybody knows that penguins live on the South Pole and Santas live in the great white world of the North. No, Santa Jacobus is much more in touch with the true "white world" as you see here below.

Santa Ralphus ridicules me for being nothing but a Coc-Koo-Claus. But he forgets that a true Santa dresses in many kinds of dresses to blend in with the people he is serving. If Ralphus was a true Chameleon of Santa-Claus - such as he signs all his letters - he would have more than just one moth-eaten ragged old red Santa dress. A real Chameleon of Santa-Claus dresses in white when he serves in the white world. And why just give the children mouldy crumbs when you can brighten up people's lives with wonderful red roses? Here you see Santa Jacobus proposing to the wife of the wizard of the Coc-Koo-Clan. She is very sad because her husband is in prison, but check with your mouse to see how happy she was when she hooked up with the true and only
Santa Coc-Koo-Clan!
 

And here below you see how a real Chameleon of Santa-Claus is only using his red Santa dresses in the "red world". When Santa Jacobus brings his gifts to the red Indians in Bolivia he likewise also use lamas rather than reindeers to bring them around. Try like some of the Indians to pull his red pixy hat off, Eva and Max!   

Follow me now when Santa Jacobus will show you Santa Ralphus' true identity and introduce you to his reindeer....and tell you why he lost most of the others!